my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
