Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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