Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
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