good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
