so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Randomize
