I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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