Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Are my feet made of real feet?
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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