he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
