My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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