I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
