i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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