The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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