i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
