So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Come see our sink grown plant.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
