I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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