question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
