Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Damn victory sex feels great
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
