sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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