May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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