They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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