I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
