Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
