She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
