so that wasnt chicken after all
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
