i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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