nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
