I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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