I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
