we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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