When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
