I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
