You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
