I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
