either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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