Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
