I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
