i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
