I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
