every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
