Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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