I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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