a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
