I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
