Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize