OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
