I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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