Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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