my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
