I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
