Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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