I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
