I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
