Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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