apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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