remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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