Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize