we have officially lost it.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
