I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
