Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize