My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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