I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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