saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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