This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
