it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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