maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
