Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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