i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
