Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
