we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
