Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
