I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
