I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Jerry, you need to find god
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
