I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
