I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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