My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
