when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
