Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
