I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
