Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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