my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize