I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
