Can Purell be used as lube?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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