My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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