guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
