I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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