I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
