I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
