Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize