I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
