Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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