I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
