dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
