Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
