Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
