I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
