Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
