I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize