I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
